Friday, November 14, 2008

Blood-iron Reducing Techniques

Go to any other web site dedicated to this topic and you will find suggestions far less painful than the ones I am going to articulate here. Most will talk about diet, the sorts of things one should or should not eat, which supplements one should or should not ingest, and what sort of remedial activities actually will cause a loss of ferritin. Most of these are innocuous and generally affect nothing but your whole way of living your life. My modest proposals will be as effective as those proposed by the pantywaists at other websites, but far more memorable.

I personally recommend bike-riding. Barnacle Raff and I do that from time to time and as counter-intuitive as it sounds, free wheeling can bring about a sharp drop in ferritin. The first two forays that Raff and I took involved hardly more than getting into his truck, with our bikes loaded up, and managing to avoid mid-morning traffic on our way to the Riverwood Shopping Center. I have to say that the potential for a cost-effective blood-letting had been on the street both times we made the trip. Unfortunately, Raff's driving skill are prodigious and I neither went through the windshield nor was I ejected from our vehicle at impact. I did over-hear some blood-curdling screams from various parties along the way, but I have not discovered whether curdling one's blood actually affects the ferritin count. The trips from Riverwood to Vivian Park were not exactly fraught with danger, except for the occasional "mountain trail" that Raff likes to take. I saw several boulders with my name potentially written all over them in my own blood; rich iron deposits those.

The trip from the BYU Motion Picture Studios down to Utah Lake, however, was far more promising and productive. Last Thursday (not yesterday, but a week ago), Raff picked me up and because the weather was just a little nippy, he decided that we ought to do a longer, flatter, but warmer excursion. Hence, the Lake Effect. The ride began well, but there were far more travelers on the path than what I was used to. Raff decided that we needed to go about 10:00 so that we would avoid the ice on the path. There was only about a two-mile stretch that had any ice on it. What he had not foreseen, however, was the three-inch pile of leaves that made the path a bit slimy in places. Out of the 14 miles we biked, only 13.99 miles had this problem. Hence, when we came upon the two skateboard enthusiasts with their dogs on their forty-foot leashes pulling them down the trail, the opportunity for ferritin iron reduction was realized.

The usual practice for the patrons of the trail is that those traveling on foot are supposed to hunker to the right while we on bikes pass by them on the left. This practice can vary according to those who are walking and those who are riding and who really thinks that they own the walkway. In other words, anyone traveling along the Provo River Walkway probably ought to anticipate some sort of major injury about every third trip.

The boys on the boards were coming toward us about the same speed we were going towards them. They were engaged in activities other than watching out for Raff and me. I suspect that they were texting each other. In any event, one fellow was on the right side of the path with his dog checking out everything within forty feet on the left. The other fellow was doing the same, but with the orientation reversed. The dogs, of course, had minds of their own (perhaps the four travelers only had one mind between them) and were wandering around to see what the other had discovered. Raff and I shouted at the two boys that we were coming through. It was then that it became clear that the fellows had earbuds inserted as well, listening to KDAVOLA. It was then that things went awry.

Raff slammed on his brakes. As it turned out, he had tried to stop on the .01 mile of the trail that had neither ice nor leaves on it. I, however, was still on frozen tundra. I began to slide and fully expected to hit my 77 year old friend in the back with all of the iron-overloading that still could be measured. I did the only thing that I thought that I could do: I laid my bike down, and did a magnificent "tuck-and-roll" off the path and into the bushes next to the river. On the way down my left knee struck the asphalt. When I got up from my tumble, the two boys and Raff were very solicitous, hoping that I was not seriously injured. When it became apparent that there were no grounds for a personal injury suit, the four-some scampered off to continue their reign of terror elsewhere.

Raff said, "Are you really okay? Do you want to head back?"

"No," I replied, "I think I only scraped my knee a bit." I pulled up my left pant leg and discovered that I had a about a four square inch patch of missing skin on my kneecap that was quietly weeping ferritin.

"Wow! Are you sure you can go on like that!"

"Sure," I replied. "This is all part of my regular iron-overloading therapy. It is facing the Krrrakin that I am worried about." I went to the Krrrakin cave this morning and I was happy to discover that my graceful descent from my bike into the undergrowth had done no damage to my bonal arrangement. So, for those of you looking for new ways to eliminate ferritin from your system, find a place to go bike riding that has lots of sharp protrusions along the trail and a bevy of mindless teenagers multitasking. In no time you should be able to remember exactly what things the other websites have to say on this matter.

If this has been helpful, I may add blogs on cutting fingernails with a lawnmower (I have done this very thing) and giving one's self a haircut with a chain saw (I have come close on several occasions). Remember, it is in the loss of skin, blood, fingernails and hair that the body sheds its iron.

In an hour I go to the Infusion Center to have Nurse Chappell take another pint. I may be less ouchy about the process today.

5 comments:

DebbieLou said...

Not to laugh at your fall or anything...the way you tell it paints a rather hillarious picture! LOL (Injury aside of course)

Rebecca said...

well it least you weren't trying to lay down a motor cycle at age 66... :) I think that resulted in a broken arm or wrist... and yes I remember...

I have shared your blood letting blogs with Victor. He has a genetic disorder as well... His body won't let go of fats. The last trigliceride count was 4500+

We are hoping that his prescriptions and diet change will help. However, there are special dialysis places that remove the triglycerides every two weeks.

You may have a sympathetic partner if we can't get his fat content down.

dishe: foods without fat

shydandelion said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ah...I love a good falling story...
smispo: the sound of dad hitting ice and soggy leaves.

Jen said...

I know!!! You could become a chef at Benihana's!! I'd like my steak medium please . . .

appie - what Maverick called his dad after he cut off an appendage while working as a chef at Benihana's.

Trillium said...

Hmmmm. You showed me your Wounded Knee when you got home that day. Off hand, I'd say the 4-inch-square description was just a teeeeny bit exaggerated. (Hold on a second while get out my magnifying glass--LOL)