Thursday, February 12, 2009

Sweating Cannonballs

About twice a week TG2 and I go to the Orem Rec Center to play racquetball. Both of us are trying to lose weight and we think that by vigorously exercising for an hour or two a week we will be the Biggest Losers. To date I have gained three pounds. I have no idea where it is coming from. The up side is, however, that I may very well be dropping my ferritin level by playing.

On our way back home Monday TG2 asked, "Hey! Can you sweat iron?"

"What?"

"I said, 'Can you sweat iron?' Kind of like sweating bullets".

Being a clever sort, I replied, "Actually, bullets are typically made of lead and brass; not much iron in them. I suppose that I could sweat cannonballs, if it were possible to perspire the iron out of my body." Being a dutiful father, I decided to find out just what the relationship was between sweat and iron-overloading.

I went on-line this morning, or at least tried to. We have been having trouble with Comcast's feed to us. I called their service center last week and a fellow came out to check our system. He tried to tell me that it was because of the 437 splitters that I have on my house lines that my signal wasn't working properly. He also testified that the splitters I was using were not especially for the internet and therefore would not serve. I told him that I had put that system together over two years ago and did not begin having any problems until a few weeks ago. He became very quiet. He went about his business which took him out to our phone/cable box at the southeast corner of the house. From there he made his way through the snow to the box in my neighbor's yard and from there to the pole on the fence line that holds the main lines high in the sub-freezing winter winds of Utah Valley. After a few minutes the technician returned to inform me that the problem was probably due to some antiquated connectors on the pole and that in a day or two someone would come out to our place and change the divider out so our signal would be proper. He left and we have not heard from Comcast since. What does this mean?

What it means is that when I went on-line this morning to look up the connection between "sweat" and "iron", I discovered that there was no connection between me and the server. The net result in all of this is that I am going to have to make up something. My guess is that exuding iron molecules while playing racquetball is probably not possible. Would I not come back from the Rec Center looking like I had just rolled around in the dirt in St. George? What is true, is that I look like I should be put under the dirt when I come back from the Rec Center.

I have decided, however, that I did deplete some of my iron-overload last Monday as a product of TG2's mad racquetball skills. The first iron loss took place as the result of a rather magnificent volley early in the first game. TG2, mustering all of her strength, leaped for a fast ball that was sliding by my left side. She whacked me and the ball at the same time. She hit me on the thumb-knuckle of my left hand, scraping off three or four million skin cells with that singular blow. Iron loss! I also had immediate subcutaneous bleeding that eventually decorated my hand in various shades of puke-green and yellow. I would like to think that that event constituted a mini-phlebotomy, but alas it was not to be; the bruise was simply absorbed by my pancreas.

Mid-way through the second game (I was now playing with my right hand), TG2 made another one of her magnificent grand slams, accelerating the ball to a speed approaching Mach 4. The ball hit me in the middle of the back of my head, bounced off the ceiling, ricocheted off three walls and eventually came to rest in a corner where it lay smouldering. TG2 was laughing hysterically. I was trying to figure out what all of the skinny brown snow was drifting about the court. It was my hair! Another massive iron-depletion!

We finished the third game and began the trip home. This, as you will remember, was when she asked the question about sweating bullets. My left foot started to pain me some and by the time I reached Star Gazers Point I felt the need to pull off my shoe to see what was going on. By the look of things, I was again the victim of another of TG2's athletic skills. At some point she must have stepped on my foot, squashing the pinky toe. It was all red and the nail looked like it was ready to fall off. Hooray! More major iron loss!

For those of you hoping for something more insightful, I apologize. I had hoped to be more insightful, I really wanted to be more informative, but Comcast is the culprit. I know that out there somewhere is some hemochromatosis scholar who is on the cusp of discovering the connection between the second sweat gland behind everyone's right earlobe and iron overloading. Oh happy day! But not today.

9 comments:

shydandelion said...

What does TG2 stand for?

Bliss said...

Finally! You've met your match! LOL

Rebecca said...

That was funny!! Maybe racquetball has become hazardous to your health! :)

hertme: no joke... she hurt you good... ;)

Zaphod said...

TG2 stands for Trillium Girl 2. You would be TG5.

Katscratchme said...

Well, if it was possible for you to sweat cannonballs, they would be rather small to fit through your pores... so more like sweating bee bees.

shydandelion said...

Oooooh, okay.

W.Pat said...

Foods containing calcium such as cottage cheese, yogurt, carrots, etc are great for slowing down iron absorbtion.

Too much iron in the liver is worse than booze.

Drinks that have tannins work very well also. Black tea and my favorite, green tea are very helpful. Most herb teas do not contain tannins.

Hemochromatosis sufferrers should drink lots of water every day to keep the blood thin for easier phlebotomies and to keep the kidneys nice and flushed out.

For people who are diagnosed and treated early, normal life spans are possible. If left untreated, HH will lead to critical organ damage and most likely death.

You can find lots of real life tips from Pat at his blog:

Http://ironoverload.info

Larsens said...

Why 3 extra poundage??? I think it is them hot dogs.

Jen said...

Anything I can do to help. It's my pleasure. Really. LOL